When Love Needs a Reboot

The last time my husband and I went on a legitimate vacation was for Fourth of July weekend in 2012 to Saugatuck on Lake Michigan. Between medical school and working, there just wasn’t a lot of time to go anywhere, not to mention we were broke.

What about your honeymoon you ask? On June 12, 2015, we said “I do” and loaded up a moving truck on June 16. Just four days after our wedding.

Three years went by and life happened. We had Vera, and adopted two dogs, Riggins and Lyla, and we bought our first house in New Jersey. Anton finished his residency and no sooner had it ended, he started working with a private practice group, diving head first into his new career.

I admire my husband’s ambition, I do. He is so passionate about what he does and genuinely wants to help make the medical field better. This is one of the reasons I love him. But, through our day-to-day grind, it gets harder to reconnect. He works late and when he is home, he’s still working. This is the life of a dedicated and hard-working physician. I knew being his wife was not going to be a walk in the park, but knowing that does not make it any easier.

So we are FINALLY doing it and going on vacation (just the two of us) to Punta Cana in the Dominican Republic for four glorious days in the sun.

Now I realize this isn’t a realistic option for everyone. Hell, it wasn’t even a realistic option for us until recently. The important takeaway here is there needs to be time set aside for a couple to reconnect and nourish their relationship.

Even if it’s something as simple as sitting down together for a family meal. Put away all the distractions and devices and dedicate some face-to-face time with each other. I can’t stress enough how important communication is for a relationship. I think that it’s one of the reasons why Anton and I have been able to get through our rocky patches. 

Another option? Have a date night at home. Have someone watch the kids or wait until they are asleep. Order up a pizza (my personal favorite) or create a little snack bar in your kitchen with all of your favorite munchies. Pick a movie or watch “The Office” (yet again) and just enjoy each other’s company while laughing at Dwight. Again, keep the devices off or in another room so they don’t cause a distraction. 

My all time favorite date? Getting out of the house and actually going out. Whether it’s out to a new restaurant, a new city to explore, a concert, etc. This is the kind of stuff that is the spice of life. It switches up the day-to day and gets you excited! Not to mention you get to create some amazing new memories with your sweetheart. 

So if you’ve gotten this far and you’re saying, “Amy, none of these options work for us.” I hear you, sister. It’s nearly impossible for Anton and me to have a sit-down meal together. It’s even harder to have a meal without interruptions. But, the reality is that we keep trying. If the only time of day I get to connect with him is when he’s in the shower before going to work, I’ll sit on the side of the tub and talk to him about his day and what’s going on or something funny Vera did. We keep showing up. Sometimes showing up means having a quick cup of coffee together before work or going to see them on their lunch break for a bite and a brief chat. If there is anything that you can do during your day that brings you two together, I promise you, you’re doing it right. 

Sometimes it’s good to remember that love is not always champagne and chocolates but more like your favorite sweatshirt and pizza; soft, warm and always there when you need it.